Moving away means cherishing the time you get when family comes to visit. And every time that family leaves, it prompts me to write, because that is when I’m in my feelings the most.
It has been a chaotic but fulfilling last few weeks. I’m always super grateful when my grandparents come to town to spend time with us. They spoil me rotten when they come. And by spoil, I mean cooked dinners and my kids bathed when I come home from work.
I know it’s not always easy with the cost of living in Hawaii. But they always manage to come and I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have these visits to look forward to throughout the months.
Having AJ with us for the last few weeks makes me feel complete; even though a few times a year is NOWHERE NEAR ENOUGH. It pains me that the decision I made a few years ago has led me to where we currently are. Of course, I’m always hopeful that things will change sooner rather than later. But I still feel like a bad mom for not being there physically for my son every week like before.
Moving away is just goodbye, for now…
Even though I say this every time, this goodbye was so much harder than the last one. This time, Mila kicked and screamed, “I want to go on the airplane.” I tried to explain that she needed a ticket, but she refused to hear what I had to say. And I don’t blame her.
How can I expect her to understand and rationalize at 3 years old?
So I did the only thing I could do: I let her cry her eyes out and hugged her as tight as I could, fighting back tears myself.
As I mentioned before in a previous post, this is NOT how I envisioned things would be when I moved.
It is PURE torture to take my kids away from each other.
There are honestly no words in the world to describe that painful feeling. The only way I can describe the pain is like a wound that heals a little with treatment (keeping ourselves busy and lots of face time every day) and reopening the cut with each goodbye.
Moving here I thought that by moving, we would have a better life. And for the most part, we have. I’d like to think that I am providing the best life for my kids. That the comfortable home over their heads is a place where they can grow, where we can explore and do other things as a family.
Home is always home
But at the same time, I thought my son would be living with us by now. When we first started talking about moving to Vegas, that was the plan. But now, almost 13, his priorities have changed.
Hawaii is his comfort and all that he knows. I get it, for that was me at one point.
I have to trust that one day he will see the bigger picture.
As much as I love my family and I’m homesick 80% of the time, it wouldn’t be realistic for us to move back to Hawaii, not yet anyway.
If we were back home, we would be paying for a higher amount to rent than our current mortgage payment. We would be a family of 5 cramped in a 1 or 2 bedroom apartment or townhome. Our spending would be double the amount of groceries and child necessities. Our lives would mainly consist of living day to day without the means to really plan for their future.
The silver lining of moving
Again, I’m SO grateful for where life has brought me. Moving here has allowed me to mature and do things I didn’t think I could do. I’ve grown as a person and was forced to take “adulting” to another level. I’m thankful for all the things I’ve learned in the last few years. Grateful for the job that I was able to get, and Keira being born and brought into our lives.
All of this has made me a much stronger person then I thought I was capable of and taught me so much. I’m going share a few things about what this experience I’m currently going through has taught me.
Enjoy every moment
It sounds a bit cliche but it is so TRUE. Because you can NEVER have them back. If I could rewind back a few years before moving here, knowing that AJ wouldn’t be moving in with us as soon as planned, things would’ve been different.
I wouldn’t have left.
I don’t know where our lives would be now if we hadn’t left and I’m not going to stress myself trying to figure it out. But I do wish I had more time and moments to hold on to. Moments that I slowed down from the hustle and bustle and just take a moment to breathe with my kids.
Related post: What you should know about raising a teenager.
Everything always changes
The reason why I say hold on and cherish the moments is that everything is constantly changing. As time passes, everyone grows older. And people change. I look at my son now, and I see the same little boy…but then I don’t. Of course, now he towers over me and eats like a horse. But he also wants his privacy, thinks some of the things I do isn’t cool and spends a lot of time preoccupied on his phone.
Gone are the times where he NEEDED me. Gone are the times where I was his one (and only) world. He needs me in a different way now, but I can’t give him what I want 100% because of the distance. And it pains me so much. So as times change, so will you, and so will your kids. Accept what you can and adapt to what’s best for you and your family.
Moving: the grass isn’t always greener
I am still in the process of learning to be grateful for what I do have. More often then I’d like, I’m comparing my life to others, who no doubt have their own struggles. Most people will show you what you want to see. Don’t compare your first step to someone’s 100th step.
The reason why I bring this up is that before we moved I was looking at all the other people my age buying houses and it made me have the sudden urge to buy my own house. Sure, it is hard to live with other people, but I think back and maybe I didn’t have to rush. My kids are little and they were content with where they were. I think back to my childhood and from what I can remember, was content with not having my own room until my teen years.
So, although I’m grateful to be able to own my home, it came with a cost of moving away from family and comfort and being away from my son (even if it ends up being temporary).
So till now, this is something that I’m constantly working on. I find myself at times trying to plan my “what next” move, instead of trusting that I’m right where I need to be in this moment of my life. Stop with the mindset of, “ If I do this, I can get this” if that is controlled by what you see from others, Focus on watering your own grass and nurturing your own, and trusting YOUR process.
Don’t let anyone tell you anything
There are probably only a few people besides family (and sometimes not even family) and close friends that genuinely care about what goes on your lives. With that said, don’t let anyone influence the decisions you make.
I do think that people have valid reasoning in what they may think is best for you, but only YOU and your spouse know what’s truly best for you and your family. I think that when we moved, my decisions were emotional, and not as well thought out and planned as I would’ve liked.
Again, I don’t regret any decisions I’ve made even though it may mean that I’m not with my family as often as I’d like because I have to trust that this is where I meant to be at this moment.
A lot of times, taking big risks comes with greater reward, but make sure that you are doing it to benefit YOUR family only and it’s not just based on what other people think is best.
The older I get, the faster time flies.
Spread love and kindness anywhere and everywhere you possibly can. Even though it may not be talked about or shown, each and every one of us has difficult challenges that we are facing. Hug and hold your kids tight e3ach day and tell them that you love them no matter what. Cherish every minute because it only happens once.
I truly hope this post reminds all you mamas to make the most of each moment. If you like this post, please share it. Can you relate? Comment below. If you enjoyed this post, you may like these:
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