An unexpected pregnancy can be hard on anyone, I really thought I was done with 2. When I found out about Keira, I was completely dumbfounded.
When my co-worker suggested I take a pregnancy test and I was determined to prove her wrong.
I remember taking the test and stepping into the shower. When I came out to glance at it, I immediately ran downstairs and started crying to my husband, and they weren’t happy tears. Sad, shocked, anxious, confused and a little angry, as this was not part of the plan.
A million thoughts ran in my head. I wasn’t ready for another kid and ready to deal with this unexpected pregnancy! I was barely pulling myself together daily with a toddler. How was I going to manage 2 young ones? Mila was my baby, how was she going to react to that? How am I to share my love, time, and attention into thirds?
And let me tell you, In the very beginning, it was hard.
Unexpected pregnancy turns into a difficult one
The anxiety went through the roof. I doubted my “mom skills” and thought that there was absolutely NO way that I was going to be able to handle this new love.
My whole pregnancy I couldn’t enjoy it because I was too worried. I woke up every day in fear, realizing I was thousands of miles away from my family. I cried the nights leading up to my induction date, relishing on the last few days of Mila being my littlest little.
About 7 months, I had endless nights of prodromal labor. At this point, I couldn’t stand for more than 20 minutes without my back hurting or my legs feeling like they would give out. Weekly NST testing was done due to it being considered high risk. My blood pressure, possibly gestational diabetes, and the fact that she was measuring small were worrisome circumstances.
An unexpected pregnancy and a harder labor
At 38 weeks I was induced. And she knew it was time. I was already having consistent contractions, so they gave me Pitocin to intensify them. The epidural dosage they gave me was too much for my small frame and I became numb from the chest (instead of the waist) down. So they decided to turn it off, and suddenly I went from 6-10 centimeters in 30 minutes.
I started crying while pushing and I remember asking the doctor, Why does it hurt so bad?” She told me that to push through the pain because she was coming out. And so I pushed with every ounce I had in me, and after about 20 minutes of painful pushing (the hardest delivery for me) she came. 6 pounds and 13 oz of perfection. The moment that I laid eyes on her, I knew that everything would somehow turn out OK.
No doubt, the past year has been by far the most difficult of my life. Managing my time with two little girls while their big brother and half of their family is a thousand miles away has its challenges.
It’s funny how life can throw things your way. Things come into your life unplanned and they turn out to be EXACTLY what you need.
But having Keira has also been one of the greatest blessings that I could ever ask for.
She has taught me so many things within the last year.
A letter to my littlest little
My adorable littlest little Keira,
You have shown me your resilience by wearing your helmet for 22-23 hours a day for 4 months without batting an eye.
Crawling to walking a few steps in a matter of weeks, shows your ambition.
The fact that you use your feet as your second set of hands shows your humor and goofy side.
The way you play with my hair, stare at my face and hold on to me tight. I am overjoyed by your love.
Because of you, I was able to breastfeed for a year, something that I never thought I could accomplish.
You are the reason I endured the labor pains when the epidural was turned off.
This blog is here because of the fears that now don’t seem so bad.
Your love is endless.
You have forced me to be more patient. Reminded me that unplanned events are sometimes the greatest gifts. And taught me that I can do anything I can put my mind to, no matter what the circumstances are.
You have made me a better mom.
Your personality is really starting to show. You’re quiet and calm with a little feisty. I love watching how you observe and study everything so carefully.
You may look like me, but you are like in your dad in so many ways. A bit of a daredevil with a huge appetite!
The perfect addition to your siblings; I see all 3 of you play together and my heart is so full and happy. I’m grateful and blessed that you are in our lives. You are the perfect addition to our little family.
I can’t wait to see what the future holds for you. The best is yet to come.