I had an interesting discussion with some coworkers the other day. Actually, “interesting” is putting it nicely, to be quite frank, the conversation got me a bit heated.
We were talking on the subject of stress and one of the things I mentioned was the fact that sometimes (although I’m trying to get better at it) I don’t have time to focus on me.
Why don’t you take a break?
One of them said something along the lines of, “Well why don’t you just take a break?” And my reply was: “It’s not that simple.” They couldn’t wrap their head around the fact that sometimes I don’t even get a free moment to think and process my thoughts.
I thought about our conversation more when I drove home and came to the realization: they will never understand it. And this is why:
They don’t have kids.
Sure they are married, have their own family obligations and no doubt have problems of their own. And I am absolutely by no means insinuating that my problems are more important than what they have going on in their own households.
But being a mom is on a whole different level.
Because let’s face it, becoming a mom changes your life forever, in every aspect. In such that only other moms will understand.
As a mom, you are still you, but never quite the same again.
Becoming a mom changes you in every way
Your whole world is flipped upside down, from your bodily and hormonal changes during pregnancy and long after you bring your child into the world.
Your needs and wants are no longer top priority. Your “motherly instinct” kicks in and you feel the need to protect and nurture your kids with every ounce of energy you have in you every single day.
You become somewhat in-disposable. You can no longer go to the bathroom in peace, and you become accustomed to eating a meal in 5 minutes. Your favorite show’s newest episode takes you a week (if not longer) to finish, and daily conversations with your significant other frequent along the lines of poop and tantrums.
Regardless of how much your partner pulls their weight, you are still the #1 choice by your kids by default. They will ask you to come downstairs to help them find a toy even though dad is literally right next to them.
At this point, it’s a kid’s world and moms just live in it.
The REAL new role
Becoming a mom means taking on a new role of position that overpowers all: Superhero.
And superheroes have anything but time.
We tend to take care of everyone else first, which is the reason most of us are stressed, tired, and anxious. Even though we’ve checked the items off of on our “to-do” list, we know there is another one waiting. There is always SOMETHING that needs to be done.
When we get the free time (after much coordination with a babysitter or our other half) we’re torn on whether we should use it to catch up on sleep or do that one that would be SUPER productive.
If we do use our free time, we either miss our kids once we get it, or feel guilty that we’re having too much fun without them.
And I can explain that until I’m blue in the face, but some people won’t understand it.
And that’s OK.
Because a long time ago (12 years ago to be exact), I had similar thoughts.
But I am NO longer the center of my universe.
As moms, even when we haven’t gotten enough rest, and if we feel like 90% of the time we’re taking care of everything and everyone but ourselves, we don’t regret it. And we’d do it all over again.
Because the amount of love and lessons learned from our children our irreplaceable and one of a kind. A different kind of next-level-sh*t love. And that is worth it ALL.
So fist pump to you fellow mamas out there. I am blessed to be on this one of a kind life experience with you.