If you’re here reading this, then I’m pretty sure you’re a Mom. Granted, being a mom comes with many ups and downs. And I’m here to tell you to STOP with the mom guilt: it’s OK to be selfish. You will not fail at motherhood or be deemed a bad mom because of it.
Moms: Treat yourself
I was having a conversation with my cousin about something that happened a couple weeks ago. Someone did a really kind gesture for me and gave me money to go shopping on Black Friday.
With this newly acquired money, I was ecstatic. A hundred scenarios ran in my head of what I could do with that money.
Buy that ottoman that I’ve been eying out for months so I could put my feet up after a long day while my kids hogged the “good side” of the couch.
Get those earrings my almost closed earlobes so desperately needed after the ones I used to wear daily got lost.
Treat myself to some new jeans and tops because I don’t remember when it was the last time I bought clothes for myself.
Or even use that for a SPA day, a much needed R&R day with a massage and facial.
The moment of truth: to be or not to be selfish
So I did what any Mom would do. I got my husband to watch the kids for a bit and took myself to Target. While shopping, I found some small gifts for the kids and a couple of gifts for the family.
Browsing through the women’s clothing, and I managed to find a white long sleeve sweater that looked so cozy and perfect for work in this cold Vegas weather. And even better, It was for half off the original price. A $10 steal! So I threw that in my cart.
Then it came time to pay. As she was ringing everything up, something came over me and I told her that I didn’t need the sweater and it could go back on the shelf. There was no specific reason why; I could very well afford it, again it was only $10. But a sense of urgency came over me, telling me that I don’t need it. And in all honesty, everything else that was in my cart was things we needed for the house, mostly toiletries that we were low on.
But I find that it happens far too frequently. When it comes to the kids, whether it’s a need or want, I’m very quick to make sure that they have it.
But when it comes to my needs or wants, it doesn’t seem that important and I find it very hard to “give back” to myself, whether its $100 or $10. I honestly don’t know why I’m so quick to give my 13-year-old the jogger pants he wanted (even though he has several), or my 4-year-old another LOL doll, but I can’t bring myself to buy a $10 shirt.
Not selfish: Non-buyer’s remorse
And now I sit here with the money that was given to me, gone. That money, which was intended for me to shop, but went to everyone else but myself.
That same weekend we went to Walmart as well which, again, I had bought food and things that the whole household needs. We also went to Olive Garden for dinner so some of that money went to treat my family to dinner. But not one cent went to something that I wanted.
And now I sit here with a little bit of regret. And I’m sure other moms go through the same thing.
Being selfish is part of MOM self-care
There are tons of articles and blog posts about how moms should always spend the time and effort to take care of themselves. Yet, it’s so much easier said than done! But why is it? Why is that when it comes down to the real deal, some of us fail at treating ourselves?
We know our needs are important. We know that a lot of what we do holds the family together like glue and keeps the house from falling apart. But do we really “show up” for ourselves? I feel like, I say it a lot, that I know that my needs are just as important, but yet, I don’t act on it. Or I don’t truly believe it.
New Years Resolution: I will be (a little) selfish
Now being realistic, being a mom basically feels like trying to walk and dance at the same time while juggling and making sure you don’t step on Legos while you’re at it. So while our mom train is moving 100 miles per hour at any given minute, it’s good that we “stop and smell the fresh air” to speak.
So as this year comes to an end, I’m making a promise to myself, and I encourage you, other moms, to do the same: When you get the opportunity to treat yourself and do something that makes you feel more like you and less like mom, seize it. Because it’s ok to be selfish for yourself one in a while.
And when I say this, like with anything else in life: everything in moderation. No, I don’t think you need to drop all your responsibilities as a mom and just go into hibernation, although that seems like a nice thought.
The YOU before you became MOM
Keep to your family goals and lifestyle but don’t forget who you were before you became, MOM. Because somewhere, deep down, she’s still there, and she needs love too. Maybe it’s that stop to Starbucks. Or to buy yourself that one thing that you’ve had your eye on forever. Maybe it’s the hair appointment that you were overdue for months ago. Whatever the case may be, don’t let that opportunity pass.
In order to be the best for our family, we need to make sure that we are our best selves. So if you are reading this and can relate, I encourage you to be honest with yourselves. Are you allowing some time for yourself and leaving some room in your life to do the little things that make you happy? If not, start. You deserve it.
Thank you so much for reading! I hope that you enjoyed it. If you enjoyed this post, here are some others you may like:
- How to have a work-life balance with kids
- Easy budgeting tips to start now
- Mom hack: How to organize little girls toys
Don’t forget to comment below on some things you like to do for yourself, I would love to hear about it. If you don’t want to miss any posts from me, scroll all the way down and enter your email in the subscribe box.